The Sydney Herald (NSW : 1831 - 1842)--Thursday 7 June 1832

POLICE INCIDENTS

Monday.-Mary Madden was charged by her mistress with taking herself off on Sunday morning, for the purpose, as she boldly declared, of spending the day on the water, with a party of choice spirits like herself.
Mary denied the charge; the mistress vociferating it at the top of her lungs, and a very pretty botheration and blarney immediately ensued, which bothered the cause most mightily.
After order was restored, the Bench decided that Mary should sojourn under Mrs. Gordon's wing for fourteen days.

Sarah Dawson, possessing a considerable portion of cambric handkerchief-sensibility, was placed at the bar, charged with being found snoring a charming bass in the Shambles of the Market-place, the previous evening; during her placid slumbers she was heard ejaculating, " give me another drain, and then." -
On hearing the charge, the tears chased each other down her lilly cheeks, "like Orient Pearls at random strung." The exchequer having been previously exchequered, and not one of the bye standers having sufficient gallantry to offer to become her banker, she was fain to put up with three hours reclination in the stocks.

John M'Carthy, picked up, humming to himself, " I've been roaming, I've been roaming," - "I dare say you have" said the constable, and the burden of his song turning out true, to the letter, the Bench sent him to a cell for three days.

Thomas Hewitt, a sort of a lackadaisical visaged youth, was charged with not only getting drunk himself, but making the servants of his master also drunk; entering the parlour where his master was sitting, breaking nine squares of glass, and threatening to set fire to the house, and consign his master and all his household goods to the flames.
On the favourable representation of the master, he was only fined 5s. and discharged.

Tuesday.-William Whaling was charged with being found all the worse for wear, endeavouring to win the affections of a pretty girl, who was just beginning to feel an interest in his small talk, when malheureusement , a baton bearer stepped in and desired Whaling to accept of a lodging at the King's expense, which he wished to avoid, but without success - three days on the Mill were recommended to prevent similar exhibitions of gallantry.

Jacob Porter, a quizzical looking old codger, who, from appearances, carried his name visibly marked on his countenance, was charged with banging a poker and frying pan together through the streets the previous night, at the same time harmoniously chanting, "Hark the bonny Christ Church Bells." - To balance this small adair he enriched the poor fund with five shillings.

Mary Thompson was charged with being picked up the previous afternoon, on the Parramatta road, waving her hand, and exclaiming to a young man, who was getting through the pannel of the fence into the bush, "false, perjured, fleeting Charley." As it appeared that she was a bolter, and was frequently in the habit of making herself scarce, the Bench sent her to the 3 C. for a month.

Mary Macmanus, a regular touch and go lady, with the temper of a Volcano, that was constantly in eruption whenever any thing crossed her, was charged with solacing John the footman the night before, with some comfortable liquors, and a good feed. -1 month Gordon seminary. On hearing the sentence she looked unutterable things and threatened a violent explosion, but the guardians of the peace muzzled her instanter.

Wednesday.-Eliza Ross was charged with absconding with her Mistress's child, and at ten o'clock at night both were brought home drunk. 6 weeks, 3rd class.

Mary Ann Clany, mugging herself with hot punch, as she described it, to rectify the disorganized state of her internals, and when wound up, with flying off at a tangent, refusing work, and all that sort of thing - 1 month, 3rd class.

Ann Carr, for giving her mistress due notice that she intended to quit, as her grub was not of that quality she had been in the habit of feeding upon, was sent to try Mrs. Gordon's fare for 1 month.

William Hervey was charged with being picked up in the streets, rolling over and over, Hervey declared that it was a touch of the Cholera that possessed him, the Bench considering that it might be the gin-cholera, sent him to the stocks for three hours.

John Kerwen was charged with being found on the Race Course, on one knee to a lady of the pave, whom he was thus pathetically addressing
" Oh me, can thus thy forehead lour,
And know'st thou not who loves thee best ;
Oh Sally dear, oh more than dearest.
Say is it me thou hat'st, or fear'st,
Come lay thy head upon my breast,
And I will kiss thee into rest."
The devil, exclaimed the irreverent constable, what's all this palaver about, come with me, my lad, and he was conveyed to the lock-up.
The Bench, to curb these sort of pranks, sent him to take three days exercise on the mill.

Ann Armstrong, who was admonished and discharged only the previous day, was charged, that when she arrived at home, she clapped her arms a-kimbo, and swearing she would nolens volens on the part of her mistress, be Lady of the ascendant.


The Sydney Herald (NSW : 1831 - 1842)--Thursday 19 July 1832

MONDAY.?Maria Carney was placed at the bar to answer for bolting, amalgamating, and sundry
other amusements.
Bench?What have you to say Maria for such
tricks.
Maria?Oh, nothing, my mistress is one of the best in the Colony, and I hope I may serve my lagging with her.
Bench?I fear not; how long have you to serve?
Maria?Only a streaky bit, say three years.
Bench?Then, you will have to serve one month more by taking the air at Mrs. Gordon's for a month.
Maria wished now to say something about bad feed?queer wittles, &c, but the constabulary, very politely, handed her from the bar.

Adam Bond, for threatening to make his mistress smell h-ll, by setting fire to the house, was ordered 14 days on the mill.

Winefred Doyle, a lushington, was placed at the bar on that charge.
Bench?Prisoner, will you promise to reform.
Winefred?I must have my morning, my leavener and my night cups.
Bench?Six weeks 3 C.

William Gorman, was charged with being drunk and skylarking.
Bench? Were you drunk
Gorman? Indubitably?Yes?
Bench? Five shillings to the poor.
Gorman?That's me?I'm poor.
Bench?Three hours stocks.
Gorman?I wish you were alongside of me just now, see how I'd sarve you-
The Charley's were obliged to remove him vi et-armis, as Gorman, who is a bit of a sledge hammer hitter, wished to show fight.

John Eaton, Thomas Green, and John Tierney were charged with being musically lushey, and while in that state, with singing through the streets, the Glee of "Gently tolls the evening Chimes."
The Bench sent them to chime on the mill for seven days.

Henry Willis, for making free with a pair of fie- for-shames, belonging to the Governor of the gaol, was ordered into his custody, until delivered by due course of law.

Patrick Ryan, with a phiz resembling the back of a lobster when parboiled; a jest leering in his eye?curling on his lip?and mantling and diffusing itself over his whole visage, was charged for not having the fear of the mill before his eyes, but being moved and seduced by the rum bottle, which he swigged at so heartily, that he was picked up as stiff as a poker, but the application of an oak sapling, well applied, made him quite supple. Seven days Devil's barrel organ.

TUESDAY.?Mary Perkins, when allowed to stroll for an hour, was charged with taking six, which she declared was what she understood by compound interest.
The Bench ordered her for this, to obtain a more correct knowledge of arithmetic at Mrs. Gordon's academy.
" Carry me out, bury me decently" said Mary, as she bounced from the bar.

Mary Carr, with a taste for the sublime and beautiful, was charged with returning home the previous day in a queer state, seizing a knife, and having flourished it over her mistress' head, for a few minutes, exclaimed, "here's into your bread basket," and attempted to put her threat into execution, when she was fortunately prevented. 2 mos. 3 C.

Charles Phillips, an impertinent young dog, was charged with phoo-phooing whenever ordered to do any work. Master would say, "Charles do this," "phoo, phoo," master Charles would reply, "don't you wish you may get it." Seven days mill to teach him manners.

Thomas Darby, rolling through the streets at 12 o'clock at night, singing out,
" Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."
At the same time flourishing a bottle of grog round his head, and he gave the Charleys the choice of a broken head or the contents of the bottle, they preferred the chance of the former, and after demolishing his bottle, secured him. Darby refused to come down with the ready, and consequently was handed to the stocks.